Hope!
What are we hoping for? Is it that special surprise or is it greater than just the hoped-for gift under the Christmas tree? Is it the new job? The pay raise that we are all needing? That check in the mail with the IRS refund? the winning Mega Millions lottery numbers?
I think it is different things at different times. It is often centered around things or events. People or places. I don't think there is anything wrong with this kind of hope. That waiting with anticipation of what is to come.
But I also think there is a deeper level of hope that we need. I remember having just moved into an area of the city that was quite rough. Lots of gang activity, stabbings and theft were commonplace. People lived in government supplied housing and lived on welfare to bring the food, water and heat into their homes.
As I became a part of this community, I began to notice a deep sense of despair and no vision to see a way out of their situation. People living with a dull acceptance that their long ago dreams of a different life had vanished. They believed that "this is my life for the rest of my life." They had been beaten down with this lie for generations.
I found myself beginning to struggle with the same issues. Depression. Lack of vision. A deep hopelessness. As a follower of Christ I know I could turn to Papa (God). I could ask Him my big questions. But I found myself falling into this trap of desperate despair for these local people. I can remember going to church and being frustrated at the worship songs that spoke of His great love.
I struggled with this for a while. One day I took myself off for a long walk. I ended walking a number of miles and it took me out of this part of town. It was during this walk that I began to relax and enjoy my surroundings and I had a conversation with Papa where my thoughts were clear, and I felt my old self returning.
As I began to walk home, I got to the edge of a local park that boarded on the edge of this particular area of the city. As I was walking along the sidewalk, I felt like I had just run into a wall. It stopped me in my tracks. I looked back and saw nothing. But I knew that it was a spiritual wall but none the less real. As I continued on my way, I discovered that my thoughts turned darker and more muddled. A sense of despair and hopelessness surrounded me and began to weigh heavily on my heart and mind.
I understood in a new way that this was a spiritual attack and that it was much more than my own personal struggle. I would like to say that because my understanding grew in the situation, I was able to move out from under that spirit of oppression, but I can't.
What I can say is that I began to ask different questions of Papa. "How can you let people live under this? "Where is the hope?" "Without hope people waste away, so where is it, in this part of the city?" "Have you abandoned us to our own fate?"
I asked a lot of questions of God over the next month or so. Questions I didn't receive answers to. Or if He answered I wasn't listening.
The one question I asked over and over again during this time was "Where is your hope for these people?"
A few weeks later, while sitting in church, we all stood up to participate in worship. I had had enough. I very quietly in my heart and head told God in very heated and strong words that there was no way I wasn't going to be a hypocrite. I wasn't going to sing songs of love and hope when I couldn't find any here. I would classify this as an argument, but the only argumentative words were mine.
I was reading the song words on the screen that talked about God's great love for us and the hope we have in Him. How he transformed our lives. I read these words and was instantly incensed with God. I sat down and told Him I couldn't sing any of these songs when all around me I couldn't find His hope.
I knew that living in this city and this area of it was my choice. I could move away. I had a choice, but 95% of the people living here didn't. They were stuck here. Born here and most will die here. Many without ever leaving these few square miles of this area of the city.
Where is your hope for these people Papa?
As I sat there in my stubborn (yes, I am stubborn) determination, I heard that still small voice speak so clearly to me.
"Where is my hope for these beautiful lost people? "It is in Christ in you, the hope of glory." Col. 1:27
I sat there struck dumb by His words.
So many thoughts came to me. The God of the universe is choosing me to bring His hope to these people. It isn't me. Please don't ever think that. It is Christ in me. God could use my presence in this area of the city to bring His hope. When I allow Him to be seen and made known in my life, He uses that glimpse of Christ to bring about hope for others.
The presence of Jesus in my life can speak to them of hope for their lives and circumstances.
I was overwhelmed that I was part of His answer to all these questions I had plagued Papa with over these months. How amazing that He chooses to use us for anything. How humbling to be a carrier of the light of hope for others walking through this journey.
I am learning to allow Papa to shine so that others see Him and not me. Again, this is a journey so please forgive me when I fail at this over and over again.
What a privilege to be carry God's hope for people to see when they look at us.
Go and be Papa's hands and feet in your corner of the world. Let your light shine.